A Catastrophic Epidemic. No, Seriously.


Okay, so, I LOVE the English language. I love the way it sounds and the way it writes and reads. And yes, it may be the most “corrupted” language in the world where it has borrowed and stolen from every other language out there, but I like to look at it as being versatile. So, please take a moment then to appreciate my horror and absolute disgust at the decimation of this very versatile and universally-beneficial language. Let me explain.

There’s too many people here. 

What is wrong with this sentence?

The English language has grammar, a set of rules that dictate how a language is written and spoken. Now, over a rigmarole of years (and this is where that notion of “corruption” comes into play), these grammar rules have been poked and prodded at to tweak and change for different conveniences. Marketing Suits might come up with a catchy phrase that drops the plural in favour of the singular, or maybe an apostrophe is omitted because really you couldn’t be bothered to type out the entire thing in a text message (Your versus You’re…ring a bell anyone?). Now, while these are convenient ways to communicate, the crux of the language is scattered away to the sidelines. The bare bones that make up the meaning are shunned to make way for “the cool” or “the new”. The English language is cool as it is, and it is constantly assimilating with our changing world to include new words. Why then must we butcher it so?

Now, back to my earlier example:

Is is a conjugation of the verb To be that is used with a singular pronoun or noun.

E.g. She is, He is, The cat is, Much of the sugar is

Are is a conjugation of the verb To be that is used with mostly plural pronouns or nouns.

E.g., They are, We are, The dogs are, Many people are

Notice how the first example incorrectly matches a plural pronoun (many people) with a singular conjugation (is) of the verb To be?

The correct sentence then is:

There are too many people here.

This is truly (and no, I am not being dramatic) a Catastrophic Epidemic that needs to STOP.  Why reduce the English language to a hodge-podge of sentences lacking correctly-placed apostrophes and appropriate verb conjugations?

Why, if this continues, the English language will be nothing but a bunch of letters strung together like this:


Or like this:


What is that anyway? Code for I am so smart, I put an entire sentence together with capital letters? What if I don’t understand you? What if I don’t know that TBT means Throw Back Thursday? I mean really, someone just made it up, and then hash-tagged it (see, hash-tagged, a new verb. The English language should EVOLVE, not DEVOLVE) and then it caught on like wildfire, and if you’re standing around and we’re having a conversation and you threw in a TBT, I would just stare at you and then likely shake my head in dismay. Now, I take no issue with new words added. Like I said, English must evolve. However, could I be spared the bombardment of OMGs and 2G2BTs and 2NTEs and AAFs (If you’re wondering what these mean and are starting to come up with the notion that I am a hypocrite for knowing them, simple, I Googled them)?

Now, while this might be met with Mehs and shoulders bouncing in slow motion, and be lauded as, “Oh stop, you insufferable Grammar Police person.”, let me assure you that this is not just a personal affront to me (and proverbial Grammar Police everywhere), it is a gigantic injury to the entirety of the English language. And let’s not forget the added insult where we, the Grammar Police, roll our eyes and turn our noses up at you for misusing the language.

Honestly, how could we possibly take you seriously?


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